Just left alone

Just want to be left alone right now can't you understand?

            I know for many of you are just tired from life.. Want to be alone in a room and scream all day. I have heard many opinions from many people (friends) like "Oh, you being so emo" or "That's just stupid." It NOT STUPID OR EMO! They just don't understand, they seems like they do but no they don't, it so messed up. There are some friends who experience some of the same things as you but no. It is similar but not the same. Suicide vs.  cutting are very different if you ask me.

                  I am a girl who seems such a good person, doesn't do anything bad, and blah, blah, blah. That is all false sure I laugh a lot it because I try to cover my tears.. Can't they see that? I have been a lot of pain. I have been abandoned. Wondering why my own father left me? It is because I was worthless? I just don't know.. WHICH MAKES THE CONFUSING PART!
Have you heard this question many times? "Are you okay?" Like no can't you see? Of course, they can't no one is a mid reader. If there is one and it read my mind. They would be so confused... or afraid. Like as I say. "Are you okay?" No I am not, I want to say it but it turns out like this "I'm Fine" how is "I want to die.. please help me from this tortured." are related to "Oh I am fine." CAN'T THEY SEE? I am suffering. I tell some people what is going on and they don't understand.

                             I have been going a-lot. NO ONE (except for family.. but haven't been that much help.) NO ONE HAVE BEEN THERE FOR ME! I got out of surgery. . I was in a coma for 2 days... I didn't knew much. I can't remember things but.. I heard my mom was saying that my REAL dad was coming to see me but.. No he never came, I was so excited to see him.. But! WHY!WHY?! Now I am thinking that my "best friend" had been there for me. But no, I thought she was there for me all these times.. I THOUGHT! I guess I was wrong.

                  Every thing I speak to is such a disappointed. I am like a black cat bringing bad luck everywhere. I wish, I could just.. Live in my own world.