The sayings?

The sayings..... are just true...

Well, There is this things called "the sayings" Not many people know it. But I do... They sayings are two things.

Do you know the "Don't worry it is going to get better" speech will that is a bad saying. You know it will NOT get better. But also you don't want to hear that freaking damn speech again because it all full with lies. Well.. That is a "saying." but not "THE sayings." The sayings are like... "If you are going to be suicidal, lets do it together, I am suicidal too." Well, I am not exactly sure if that is a "The saying." But is half. (At least better than nothing.) "You know you can't trust everyone. You can't let people too close. Which is kind of sad in a way, but it is True." That is the saying.
 Oliver Sykes is so right. A saying is something that will help you cheer you up or brings you down. THE sayings are the truth it doesn't bring up or either down.

"Keep listening to music, cause it gets you through everything, I promise."   Mitch Luker

That quotes is true. I read "The sayings" All day, the truth but it makes me (I don't know about you) if it going to happen more often.

 

It Hurts

Every what I do hurts.

It hurts so bad....

I have noticed mostly everything what I do has a negative effect, for an example. Finishing my work early, but now a major headache. It hurts. Does this happen to any of you guys? Maybe not. I wonder why, I am just weird.
But one thing I noticed is everyone have suffer before. I suffer so much, I think my future isn't going to be so bright. I don't even know what I want to become. I don't know a damn thing about my future. I hope I am not the only one. But it make me wonder.... what is going to happen in the future. Seeing your love ones die. Now that is pain... Once again it hurts...

I don't understand. Walking 50% your feet hurt (for my opinion). Running- when I finish it hurts my throat. Writing-hurts my fingers/hand/wrists. Sleeping- Who know when I am going to wake up maybe in 2 year or hours or minutes. See I have low self-esteem I worry about mostly everything. I look like I don't care... Maybe I do... I am confused. My heart hurts, My head hurts, My stomach.  
 

EVERYTHING HURTS.............

Yeah I should just forget about everything and move on with my life. (Like if that going to work) Just give up. I am tired of giving up but I am tired of everything in the world. What's wrong? "I just want to die nope, that is not it I just want to be save from reality." Yup, That is the real reason.

Cuts?Scars?Flaws?

Who have thought they are so ugly? Or so imperfect? Or Have to cut yourself cause you aren't worth it?

I have...like many times, I hate it when people tell me I am useful, I know I aren't. I think I am ugly all the time. I am not perfect, I see some peoples who are just like UGH! They are just Whoa ... Perfect. Everything about them is perfect. And I am here looking like a potato.

WHY DOES IT HURTS WHEN I SEE PEOPLES WHO ARE JUST LIKE PERFECT?

It hurts when I see them. Walk past it makes my heart stop, my nerves stop working. Why should I live if there are people like that? I  AM USELESS! I GOT NO ONE TO BE HELPFUL FOR. It hurts so bad. I cut myself many times because of that. I cut to make sure, I am alive. If I am alive why does no one notices me? If no one notices I am ugly! It makes sense it not difficult at all.. Makes common sense. I am imperfect so many people (Mostly girls) Tell me "Oh, You are skinny, I want your body." "You are so cute. I am so jealous!" Why you got to be jealous? I am ugly. I feel fat, When I look at myself. I AM FAT! so why you want my body? I should be the one who should be jealous. I am useless, I am worthless. So why should I be living? I know one reason. A wise guy told me... (It was a student who was helping me tuning my violin.) His exact words are. "You think other people are so perfect? You think I am perfect? Ha, everyone has flaws. You think you are worthless? Guess what, you are... Ha I can't stop laughing. Okay, let me be serious now. Why are you in this world? Why are you in this world? To make your parents happy. The adopted children, have a reason but they are more happier than you now when they get adopted. You shouldn't be sad because there are more people who gone through so make pain and suffering than you. You have no reason to be sad or think you so imperfect. I fell from the stairs today, do you still think I am perfect? I am not. You aren't ugly. If you think you are. Well, go get plastic surgery." I still remember what he says. It makes me feel better somehow.

Heart Broken?

Heart-Broken? Excepted it But it stills hurts

Who ever been heart broken? Except it but it stills hurts? I have many times

Obsessed with a guy/girl? You thought he/she was so perfect. You thought it was dream date you them. Like months later, Break-up. How come you knew this was going to happen like they are so freaking cute. You knew you guys are going to break up. But why does it hurts when you knew you guys are going to break up?

Why does it hurts? I Hate it when it hurts... It is more worse then cutting yourself. Yes, That bad. Like UGH! I just... Mixed emotions. Anger, Sadness but Heartbreak. You still think they are perfect after the "break up". You are just angry cause it end. But you are crying for them because you didn't want it to end. They make my heart just... exploded because of the so many emotions they gave me. I am not usually emotional but if it has anything to involves like someone dying in front of me . I still won't cry. My friends say that I don't seem emotional. Like I don't give or I don't care about anything. Some of it is true. I don't care about mostly everything. If  I had a break-up with someone I will get over it like 2 hours. But it is because that person... someone doesn't make me feel anything special. I haven't ... How can you say it? ... The one? Yeah, The one I really haven't found anyone who is just I am crazy about.

There was this one guy. Who seems so perfect. He ask me out. Of course, I said yes.. But a few months (like 2 months). He broke up with me. I knew this was going to happen. I saw him flirting with some other girls. But he just... MADE ME FEEL.... Ugh! Like the luckiest girl in the world. I had cry for him . Then, looking back to my memories, he was nothing but a jerk. I hate it when some people (Mostly guys) does that. No person should feel that way.

I think I am over it but I still have some feelings for him.......~

Wonderland?

Your own world?

Who has heard of wonderland. I have... I heard it a magical world, no more pain, no more feeling worthless, you can do what ever you want. Sounds pretty better than the world we live in. Actually Society we live in.

It makes me think why can't we go there? Instead of staying here? But I found my answer. Cause there is a price. Die first then wonderland second. To me, I can do it in a second but it also makes me think who is going to take care of my family when I am gone? What is going to happen if I was gone? I have 2 sisters and 1 brother. My mother's health is poor. So.....................
I don't know what to do WHAT SHOULD I DO?!? Should I leave and forget what happen to me? Or I stay and keep surviving? I bet you guys ask the same thing too. I know I am not the only one. But is Wonderland worth it? Is Wonderland worth my remaining life span? WHAT SHOULD I DO?   Have I found myself an answer already? Can someone just give me a sign already.

But Wonderland has some problems too right?

It seems to me no matter where I go. My feelings, emotions, memories, depression, anxiety and mess up mind goes where ever I go. So, what is the problem of going to Wonderland if I am going to feel depressed anyways? I don't know.. I am stupid.. I should just give up on this Wonderland's adventure. Just give up like what I always do.

Bully

Bullying....

                How many of us have experience/seen bullying but don't do anything about it? I know I have. But both experience and seen, But I didn't do anything because I have how can you say it....hmm afraid? Yeah afraid. People think/seen me as brave person. Instead, I am the opposite, they don't know what is inside of me. I am scared all the time. Anyways Well, The last time I saw bullying was in the bathroom. I was going to wash my hand, cause it felt like it was burning. Anyways, I saw a 3 girls in total. 1 was in the floor and two girls was kicking here, The girl on the floor was on the ground.

It broke my heart seeing that. I hide behind on the stalls, The two girls were running away. Why didn't I step in? Oh Yeah, I forgot .... I am afraid

Bullying isn't cool. Why does it exist? Why does people do it? Some many questions unanswered Once again. I can't do anything about it. It's all the stupid bullies out there. Why would they do stupid things like that? I hate it. Programs to stop bullying isn't working good and fast enough. Every victim in bullying has been treated as their were invisible that is so unfair.

If I see bullying again, I will stop it no matter what. I don't care if I get punch, I don't care if I get in trouble. At least I stand up. For all those bullies out there, STOP FREAKING DOING IT! WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT?! STOP IT!

Just left alone

Just want to be left alone right now can't you understand?

            I know for many of you are just tired from life.. Want to be alone in a room and scream all day. I have heard many opinions from many people (friends) like "Oh, you being so emo" or "That's just stupid." It NOT STUPID OR EMO! They just don't understand, they seems like they do but no they don't, it so messed up. There are some friends who experience some of the same things as you but no. It is similar but not the same. Suicide vs.  cutting are very different if you ask me.

                  I am a girl who seems such a good person, doesn't do anything bad, and blah, blah, blah. That is all false sure I laugh a lot it because I try to cover my tears.. Can't they see that? I have been a lot of pain. I have been abandoned. Wondering why my own father left me? It is because I was worthless? I just don't know.. WHICH MAKES THE CONFUSING PART!
Have you heard this question many times? "Are you okay?" Like no can't you see? Of course, they can't no one is a mid reader. If there is one and it read my mind. They would be so confused... or afraid. Like as I say. "Are you okay?" No I am not, I want to say it but it turns out like this "I'm Fine" how is "I want to die.. please help me from this tortured." are related to "Oh I am fine." CAN'T THEY SEE? I am suffering. I tell some people what is going on and they don't understand.

                             I have been going a-lot. NO ONE (except for family.. but haven't been that much help.) NO ONE HAVE BEEN THERE FOR ME! I got out of surgery. . I was in a coma for 2 days... I didn't knew much. I can't remember things but.. I heard my mom was saying that my REAL dad was coming to see me but.. No he never came, I was so excited to see him.. But! WHY!WHY?! Now I am thinking that my "best friend" had been there for me. But no, I thought she was there for me all these times.. I THOUGHT! I guess I was wrong.

                  Every thing I speak to is such a disappointed. I am like a black cat bringing bad luck everywhere. I wish, I could just.. Live in my own world.